Moving Forward

         First and foremost, let me apologize for being terrible at updating this blog. The Spring semester was not that busy so I had all the time in the world to post something but nothing was blogworthy. Let's recap the semester: did well in classes, left my research lab forever, handed off the Editor-In-Chief-domship (is that what you call it?) for my pre-medical journal to next-in-line, continued working at the soul-sucking ophthalmology clinic, and watched all the quality T.V. I could find time for. It's been over a week since my last final ever of college and it's all so surreal. To think I was just sitting in my Molecular Biology class learning about miRNA and siRNA (which by the way is riveting!) and now here I am waiting for medical school to start August 1st. This whole doctor thing is about to start and I don't know whether to be elated or running for the hills. Reading all the books and hoarding all the advice I can from SDN and elsewhere has been my mainstay for preparing myself as I mentioned in other posts. But as the weeks pass by and it gets closer to D-Day (which reminds, god do I miss my US History class from High School) I'm realizing no matter how many "you can do it" pep-talks I get or nonchalant "you'll be fine" (emphasis on the "eyyyyyyyne") hand waves there's no way to adequately prepare myself.
        There were two gems that were extremely useful. One went something along the lines of:

"Don't let other people's anxiety get you; it's self-destructive, not usually appropriate, and not usually indicative of what's really going on."

        For me, I've always had trouble letting go of what other people are doing around me or how much more they know than I could ever possibly know. I constantly had a chip on my shoulder about how I wasn't good enough and I still do but it weighs less now than it ever did. But this piece of advice is especially true for medical school and it's been said ad nauseam. Never let other people's fears are hold-ups get in the way of your success and stop comparing yourself to your fellow classmates. People are smarter than you. Deal with it. This is the real world and there is no quick-fix pacifier to give you solace from your own mental issues. Medical school is no doubt difficult but what's more difficult is overcoming personal issues while learning at a mind-boggling pace. The importance of being "calm, centered, and confident" (a line I picked up from Med School Confidential, a book) cannot be understated. As for myself, I still struggle with that bad habit but I'm slowly learning as I get older that I need to forge my own path and sometimes have to remind myself that I'll have my own patients who will rely on me and not Mr. AOA who honored everything. Obvious life advice I know and maybe a little sad that I can't follow it perfectly myself but this is one of my issues I'm working on before medical school starts.
          The second pearl of wisdom talked about how the worries you have in medical school will not be the same worries you have now. So everything I'm overobsessing about currently could be stricken from thought the day medical school starts and a whole new set of goals and ambitions may come to mind. That perspective is important to keep in the back of your head because you'll eventually adapt once you begin to start medical school and then you'll have an entirely different outlook on those same things you were concerned about prior to matriculation.
         On a lighter note, my plans for the summer are wide open and I'm still trying to figure out how best to spend it. The possibilities are travel, work (if I can find any), or all of the above. I can't drag any of my friends along with me so the travel idea will probably have to be a solo trip which I'm not looking to do if I can avoid it. As for work, a miscommunication caused me to lose the last month of pay I may have gotten at the clinic but what's done is done. So far, summer has been good and I was able to finish my summer reading assignment for medical school which involved writing an essay. Monday my lab-mates and I went on a day trip to NYC which was a blast! Besides that, my days have been littered with nothingness and existential thoughts. Here's to hoping these last two months are all I'm hoping for. Until next time!